“It’s just not as exciting as it used to be”
“She doesn’t look at me the same as she used to”
“I don’t know, I guess the fire’s just not there anymore”
“I just don’t get butterflies like before”
Do any of these sound familiar? I bet they do. This is yet another fundamental problem with our society: the concept of falling in and out of love. The idea that love is entirely something that happens involuntarily and is completely out of our control. Personally, I’m sick of it. Specifically, the idea or belief that somehow you can “fall out of love” with someone who used to mean the world to you.
Falling in love is a real thing. That’s how we find the people we want to be with. Obviously, there has to be an initial attraction, and that can be very exciting to find. The adrenaline starts pumping, it’s new and interesting. It’s amazing. The thing about that, though, is that people seem to expect that to stay. They assume that the feeling of butterflies in your tummy is equivalent to real love, and so when they can’t feel that anymore they assume the love has magically vanished.
I have some news for you: that feeling of initial attraction is not intended to stay. Yes, it can come back periodically throughout a relationship, and it can really help things along, but it’s not the same thing as love. It has a similar purpose to kindling on a fire. It starts the fire easily and burns brightly, but in order for the flame to keep burning, you need to put more lasting fuel on it. So you add larger pieces of wood, gradually increasing until you have a large, stable fire. Once it progresses to that point, the fire doesn’t look as exciting. It’s not as new. But guess what. It’s a lot nicer to warm yourself by a fire like that.
Basically, falling in love is a reaction, whereas STAYING in love is a choice. It takes effort. It takes time. It takes doing things you find boring, and sticking around when everything sucks. Staying in love, most days, isn’t much of a rush. Staying in love is having someone there to support you. Staying in love means that even on the days when your heart doesn’t beat faster when you see him or her, you still put all you have into being there for them.
Love is poetic. It’s beautiful and comforting, and it can make a huge difference in your life. But you have to work at it. You have to work at it even when you really don’t feel like it.
If you want a good, solid relationship, you need to stop putting so much importance on the butterflies and the adrenaline. Those things aren’t constant, and aren’t adequate to use as a foundation for your relationship. Just focus on being there for your significant other and doing what you can to make sure they’re okay. Put them first. Keep being polite. Keep opening the door for them, keep making an effort to be romantic. Put your pride to the side and let them win arguments.
Long story short, if you don’t want to fall out of love, then just don’t. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. All it takes is everything you have. If you’re not ready for that commitment, you aren’t ready for a real relationship. It’s as simple as that.
Hey guys, thanks for reading! If you have any experiences with this topic, mention them below in the comments! I’d love to hear from you. Don’t forget to like our facebook page to get notifications of new posts!